the great pause

I've heard this unique historical event called "The Great Pause" and I can't think of a better way to explain it.  The whole world feels as if it's on pause and it's beautiful, weird, crazy, and surreal all at the same time. Living in the midst of a global pandemic is not something you ever think about actually happening.  It seems to have happened over night.  One day kids were in school and life was going on as it normally would and then you begin to hear the words "Coronavirus" and "COVID-19" and very soon after, schools are shut down with restaurants and stores following one or two weeks later.  We are on pause.

We can no longer go to the grocery store and grab a cart without thinking about who else has touched that very cart and what germs might be covering it.  There are workers wearing masks that wipe it down before they hand it off to you trying to protect their employees and shoppers as best as they can. As we walk around the store, so many people avoid eye contact and it's eerily quiet as people are no longer engaging in conversation as they shop. We can no longer go to a restaurant and sit in their dining room, we must order curbside or line up in the drive thru. We can only online shop for most things which takes much longer than usual due to all the restrictions and precautions to keep workers safe. We aren't supposed to be gathering in groups of over 10 people. Many people are working from home and the kids are learning and completing assignments all remotely. Meetings and birthday parties are happening through technology with sites such as Zoom taking over as the best way to connect these days.

While everything is do different and we are adjusting to a new normal, there is so much goodness in all the crazy.

We are spending more time making meals together at home rather than eating out, we are baking more, we are writing more letters to loved ones, we are meeting new neighbors, we are taking more walks, we are spending so much time outside, we are having wonderfully deep conversations, we are learning how to use Zoom and other technology tools, we are finding creative ways to bless others, we are learning new art techniques and doing more art projects than ever, and if it's even possible, we're reading more books than ever. We are growing as individuals and as a family and I am so stinking grateful.

The gift of this time is not lost on me, that is for sure. I pray each night with the little girls that when this is all over that we would never completely return to "normal" as a society, that hearts would be changed before it's all over, that hearts would be softened, that people would realize the most important things in life, and that we would never be the same after this experience. I know the Lord has lessons for us in all of this mess and I don't want to miss them. I don't want my family to miss them. I keep praying that our eyes are opened to the goodness in the world, the goodness in others, the goodness right before our eyes every single day.

I am incredibly thankful to have this extra bonus time with the kids.  I love having them all home with me full time.  It's an incredibly rare gift that I will treasure forever and know that I will desperately miss when it's all over. This time has not been without its challenges of course. The first week was bliss as it just felt like a vacation that we were all desperately in need of. And then as time went on, reality began to set in. It seemed to especially hit hard with Avery, being the oldest and missing out on the most...her DC trip would no longer be happening, she wouldn't see her lunch table gang for an unknown amount of time, our planned night at a hotel for her birthday couldn't happen, no family for her birthday celebration, etc. We got into a groove pretty quickly however and I was in my element making a schedule and planning their "learning time". That was awesome for 3 weeks before mandatory assignments began coming in from school when the governor decided that the stay at home order would be in affect until May 1st. Our schools and teachers had to quickly figure out how to teach them new curriculum remotely and we had to figure out a new schedule at home and how to navigate the large number of websites we had to access to complete the assignments. We had a tough transition and then found our way and began to get the hang of it. We're doing what we can making the most of our days, some much more challenging than others but we're doing it together. And that's what makes it all worth it. We still get to be together, my five favorite people in all the world.

my baby-making days are over

 

I LOVE BEING A MOM.

I would be like Sarah Jessica Parker (in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun) as she stands in front of a classroom full of girls and proclaims "I love to dance" with an unmistakable glow.  If you asked me to stand in front of a room full of moms and tell about myself I would most likely begin with "I love to be a mom" and everyone would know by the sound of my voice and the look on my face that I was not messing around.

It's just who I am.  I was the little girl who was obsessed with baby dolls.  I took my favorite baby dolls to church with me in a carseat with a packed diaper bag.  I took it seriously.  It was just natural for me and gave me great joy to take care of babies.  I was obsessed and fascinated with baby items, bottles, strollers, diapers.  I will never forget the Christmas that my Aunt Lisa bought me a real life size baby umbrella stroller.  It was navy blue and made me feel like a real Momma.

I was desperate to take care of babies and went so far as to ask my poor single mother to adopt one.  I can only imagine the look on her face the first time I asked.  I simply had a yearning in my heart at such a young age to be a Momma.

Fast forward a few years and my first niece, Tia was born.  I was head over heels before she was even born.  Her and my sister would be living with us so my dream had come true.  There would finally be a little baby in my house to take care of.  I would sit in the nursery dreaming of what he/she would be like.  I would fold and re-fold onesies over and over and tried to help my sister get ready for this baby in any way I could.  I didn't leave the house for weeks after she was born because I didn't want to miss a minute.  I loved her like she was my own.  She was my little sidekick.  About a year later, I gained another niece and felt like I was in heaven.

Several years after that, I was sitting at a restaurant with Jason on our very first date and informed him that I wanted a lot of babies and that I would be staying home with them.  That was my dream and he needed to know what he was signing up for right up front.  It was basically love at first sight for him so he was already too far gone to protest my future plans.  He wouldn't have anyway.  He fell more in love after hearing my dreams.  He is a good good man and he wanted the same life.

I taught kindergarten and first grade for several years while Jason finished up graduate school.  I could not wait to get our baby making days started.  A little less than four years after we got married, we had our firstborn.  I had fears of not being able to conceive since it was something I so desperately desired and when it happened right away, I was beyond thankful.  I enjoyed every second of that pregnancy.  I am not kidding when I say I would walk out of the bathroom after puking my guts out with a smile on my face.  Jason would laugh as I said, "I am just happy to be pregnant!".  Throwing up was a reminder that there was a baby growing inside of me and I could not get over the amazingness of it all.  I felt more alive and beautiful than ever.

God was so good to us over the next six and a half years carrying us through multiple health scares and blessing us with four beautiful babies.  I loved being pregnant.  I loved giving birth.  I experienced the super long and hard labor that almost ended in emergency c-section, the breech baby that broke my water and had to be a c-section, the epidural that only worked in one leg and nowhere else, the baby who came in 2 hours from first contraction and didn't even give the nurses time to put in an iv or the doctors time to arrive.  I hold these precious stories in my heart so deeply and desperately wish I could re-live every single one.

So now here I am, ten years after that first positive pregnancy test.  I once again feel something in the pit of my stomach but this time it is not a baby, I am back to the yearning for one.  I can't even believe these precious baby making years are over.  It doesn't even make sense how fast they went.  I feel so sad about it and I want them back.  I want to experience every second of it all again.

But I can't.  I have big babies now that still need me but in different ways than my tiny babies did.  They can all get dressed by themselves (with occasional assistance), use a potty, brush their own teeth, and they all know how to sleep through the night.  I know it felt like it was all going to last forever, the nursing, the potty training, the lack of sleep, the cutting up of food into itty bitty pieces.  But it didn't.  It flew by in a flash and I miss it.

I feel like that Grandma in the store that tells you to "Enjoy your little ones cause they grow up so fast".  I am already that Mom and my youngest is only 3.  I am that Mom who is hyperaware of all the things I will miss one day.  I realize how fast it all is going.  I already know that I will start cleaning the bathrooms one day and begin to cry because the toilet does not have pee all over it and there are no tiny toothbrushes lying around.  I will wish I had lunches to pack and homework to help with, and will without a doubt wish I had someone to tuck in at night.

Of course, this perspective and these feelings do not make me immune to frustration and anger with my kids.  We have bad days, really bad days.  Days when I wonder why we had so many of them, days when I feel like I am drowning, and days when I want to run away from all this responsibility of raising four little humans.

And this is why I write down my perspective when it is where I want it.  I can read this on those bad days and remember why I longed for these kids in the first place and why I get up day after day and give this mothering gig my best shot.

This is my mission for today.  To love my family the best I can and not wish for another time but to enjoy NOW while I have it.  They aren't babies anymore and I want to embrace that.  I want to stop looking back longingly but instead look back with peace and gratitude for what once was.  We are in a new season now and though it will be much different than the last, it too will be filled with joy and excitement.  I will give myself permission to let the tears flow when I look back at photos or have a day where baby fever is at an all time high.  All of that is okay as long as I also welcome this new stage in our journey with open arms and an overflowing heart.

the last two months in one long post...

Well there is never a dull moment in this season of our lives and I love it.  There are so many memories begging to be recorded so I am finally making it happen.  

This was Avery's first year to decorate a Valentine box for school and she was so excited.  I snatched up some fun washi tape and stickers in the $ spot at Target and she went to town.  There were a few different awards up for grabs and she was going for "prettiest box".  The class voted and she got it.  She came home thrilled.  

This year, I was blessed to be in charge of Tyson's class valentine party.  I used the same ideas from Avery's kindergarten valentine party and the kids had a great time.  Tyson was very happy to have me and I was even happier.  They stacked hearts, threw heart beanbags, picked up hearts with chopsticks, decorated a valentine card, you know, the usual.  Love this boy.

We got to spend a day with two special friends and their kids.  It was wonderful to have them here as always and I got extra babies to love on, like this little guy.  Poor Simon had a mishap with a store cart resulting in a bone infection that led to surgery.  He was a trooper and could not have looked cuter crawling around like a little peg leg pirate.  It was way too cute to not photograph.

These little "melty bead" kits as Target called them were the perfect snowy day activity for the kids.  They would have done this all day.  Since we had an entire week off school due to snow, ice, and bitter cold, we needed all the help we could get to stay sane.

This little lady had her first experience sleeping in foam curlers.  She admired herself for quite awhile after they were put in.  It was hilarious.  They turned out a little crazy and didn't last long but still cute.

I could not be happier that the cold snow is behind us.  It is finally April and we can leave the house without coats and I don't have to worry that someone might call CPS on me.  Whew.  I survived another winter.  I am just sure I was designed to live somewhere warm year round.

These two.

And these two.

While our friends were visiting, Natalie grabbed my camera and captured me and my baby which made me happy and so thankful.

These two are incredibly ornery, completely adorable, and sweet as can be.  They are future partners in crime, I am sure of it.

Winter always calls for the building of forts.  They are great fun until a chair falls on top of someone and then it loses some appeal.

Violet is the biggest Daddy's girl I have ever seen.  It is precious and makes my heart so happy.

I LOVE after bath pictures.

Our brother-in-law, Dave had a birthday and I had fun with his package.  Poor guy works nights so he often takes cat naps on the couch.  He was my 5K buddy this year and I loved it.  

And last but not least, Jason turned 35.  He is amazing and birthdays are so much fun.  A few short days later, I got to tag along on a work trip with my man.  It was glorious.  

And that is life for us lately in a nutshell.

old friends making new memories

If you have known me for awhile, you are well aware of my love for Amy Grant music.  I have been a huge fan since I was tiny.  I grew up listening to her music, singing it in front of my church as a little girl, telling everyone I was going to be her when I grew up, and then having her songs sung at my wedding.  God used her music to speak to me in some of the toughest parts of my life.  I was too young at 3 years old to understand what was going on when my Dad left but it hit me hard around 3rd grade and Amy's music helped me so much during that time.  I would just go in my room and listen to her for hours.  It was as if the words came right from my own mind and heart.   When I was pregnant with Avery, I was teaching and had a fairly long commute to work each day. I listened to "Where Do You Hide Your Heart" over and over as we waited and prayed to find out if our daughter would have Cystic Fibrosis.  God is so cool to use music to heal our wounds.

I have always felt like Amy and I were kindred spirits based on the words of her music.  Nobody but me can truly understand the impact and I get teased about my love for her all the time but I don't mind. My love for Amy and her music is personal and runs deep and now I get to pass the love on to my girls.

I have literally dreamed often of meeting her in person and having the chance to tell her how much her music means to me.  I have played the scene over in my head so many times knowing she would want to know how God used her music in such a powerful way.

I was struggling through high school being that girl with "daddy issues" and looking for love in all the wrong places.  Then steps in Stephanie Miller (now Magee).  God brought us together at the perfect time.  We needed each other and we had originally met because somebody told her about my love for Amy Grant.  We were both life long fans and became instant best friends.  We stood by each other and kept each other out of trouble.  Stephanie wasn't sure about life after high school until I invited her to attend Bible College with me.  She actually did and we got to be roommates.  We both met the loves of our lives there.  We were bridesmaids in each other's wedding.  Seven babies were born between the two of us, many miles separated us for years, five years came and went without a visit.  We had lost touch.

Until one day when Stephanie told me about Amy's most recent concert close to Columbus.  I turned it down at first because we were having a birthday party that weekend for Tyson & Mia.  But then she made a plea on Instagram and Facebook that looked like this:

I could not possibly say no and we changed the party date.  During our freshman year of college, 17 years ago, Amy released a new album so our bookstore had this giant cardboard cut-out of her.  We asked them if we could have it when they were done.  Sure enough, they gave it to us and we hung it on our wall along with several other posters of her.  That album along with many others of hers played constantly in our dorm room.  Stephanie's parents are currently moving and just recently found cardboard Amy in a closet so she was determined to use it in an effort to meet the real Amy.

Somehow, her plan totally worked.  I picked her up at home that night since she was closer to the concert venue.  The second we saw each other, it was as if we had never been apart.  We didn't have a second without something to talk about and we laughed like fools.  It was beautiful.  We even got lost on the way to the concert which is totally normal for us.  We had to stop at a gas station and ask for directions because we were not about to be late for this concert.

I wish I had brought my real camera that night but I had no idea what was in store for us.  We ended up making it to the concert on time with cardboard Amy laying down in the backseat of Jason's Mini.  Good times.  We looked something like this walking down to the will call window to pick up our tickets...

Cardboard Amy brought us a lot of attention and we told everyone that would listen about how it had been hanging in our college dorm room so many years ago.  We made a lot of friends that night.  The people at the ticket table asked us if we had been drinking already.  The best part was that we hadn't had a drop.  We were just happy.

  

We sat in the lawn area which was pretty far away from stage but it was a small town festival type thing and everyone was so nice and friendly.  It seemed to be a pretty laid back atmosphere.  There were security guards all around but we made friends with most of them and they loved us for some reason.  We told them our plan to meet her by waving cardboard Amy around like crazy to get her attention.  They laughed and told us they were rooting for us. 

The orchestra played for an hour so by the time Amy actually came out, we had completely caught up on each other's lives.  We were already talking about how we didn't want the night to end.  We felt young and it was so refreshing.  

Once the real concert began, we were loving it and singing as loudly as we could without making enemies with our lawn neighbors.  We continued to discuss a plan to meet her and wondered how we could get her to see cardboard Amy in the dark.  One of our new friends came over and sat by us for a minute telling us that he had told a security guard down by the bathrooms about how he was sitting by Amy Grant fanatics that had a cardboard Amy from college and we were desperate to meet her.  He suggested we just follow along the yellow lines up front getting as close to the stage as we could and yell when things got quiet in between songs.  We laughed.  He actually was drunk.  But it gave us that little extra push we needed to make our way up front.  We left our blanket, grabbed our purses and cardboard Amy and headed to the front.  They allowed people to get very close to the stage while still staying on the other side of the yellow lines.  We were in awe as we stood and listened to her singing so close to the stage.  We talked to one of our security guard buddies for a minute about our plan and then we did it.  We yelled for her to look at us in between songs.  She put her hand over her eyes but could not really tell what was going on.  She did wave to us but went straight into singing another song.  We stepped back a bit and began discussing a plan B when all of a sudden, a security guard that we had not met yet waved us over.  We could not believe it.  He led us to the other side of the yellow line and gave us directions.  He took us to a spot where we could stand, let us know that she was about to sing her last song and then we could call to her when things got quiet.  What?  We couldn't believe it.  We were literally as close to the stage as you could get at this point.  We were pretty much both shaking and my heart was beating extremely fast.  

When the time came, he gave us the nod to start shouting and we did.  He prompted us to move closer so she could hear us better.  The concert had ended and everyone was clapping for her.  We held up cardboard Amy and called her name.  She came to us and leaned down to hold our hands and talk to us for a minute.  She told us she had not been able to see what we were holding.  We told her the story of cardboard Amy and then she said, "Well come on back."  What?!??

We got to follow a security guard to the back of the stage.  She gave us both huge hugs as she stepped down and we began talking a mile a minute like crazy people telling her everything we could think of in the moment.  It was totally surreal to finally be able to tell her how much her music means to me.  Stephanie even mentioned her music being sung at my wedding and she loved that.  I even told her the name of my favorite song.   She was incredibly genuine, kind, and loving.  She thanked us for our words and for bringing cardboard Amy.  She gave us extra hugs and such sweet smiles.  We got a picture on my phone which is horrible quality but so amazing.  It was such a beautiful few minutes and I loved sharing it with Stephanie.  

We walked away in shock and the security guards were all so happy for us.  It pays to be bold and a little crazy!  

What a night.  I wish it could have lasted longer.  I could have laughed with Stephanie all night long.  I keep thinking of more I wanted to share with Amy.  The three of us needed to sit down with a glass of sweet tea and talk for hours.  She was that cool.  Seriously.  

I keep playing the night over and over in my head and just feel so thankful for the whole experience and string of events that led us there.  And even more, I feel so thankful to have an old friend who I can just pick up right where we left off and make new memories with.  Too many blessings to count.  I can't wait to tell my grandchildren about this someday...

like a rock star?

Last night after tucking the babies in, crying like a baby about Tyson turning 6, making Rice Krispie Treats, blowing up balloons, wrapping presents, and then relaxing on the couch for a bit with my love, I finally tucked myself into bed around 11:00.  I fell fast asleep and was awoken suddenly about 2:30 by the sound of Violet's cries.  She was calling for me.  I did what I always do at first when one of the kids wakes up in the middle of the night...pretend it isn't happening, pray to God for mercy, and attempt to go back to sleep.  My method rarely works.  So after I had a few minutes to come to my senses, I realized that this was a very sad cry and my baby needed me.  She rarely wakes up in the night anymore (several months ago I would have thought those words would never come out of my mouth) so I walked the few steps to her and Tyson's room and checked on my baby.  She was sitting up and I could smell the problem.  She threw up her dinner.  Poor baby.  So I got her out of the mess and cleaned up.  She was so incredibly sweet despite the fact that her belly was obviously hurting.  I sat her down on the chair in the loft area and told her I would be right back. She politely replied with a perfect, "Otay".  She sat on the chair with a book and when I was done cleaning her bed, she asked me to read it.  We sat down together and read the book.  She started sucking her thumb right away and I knew she was ready to go back to bed.  I finished the book and told her it was time to go to sleep.  She did not complain a bit as she continued to suck her thumb and laid her head on my shoulder.

I went back to bed feeling sorry for my baby but happy for myself that she is so awesome.  It took me awhile to get back to sleep because I just knew that was not the end of it.  I was doing my best to not wake up an extremely excited birthday boy because I feared he would never go back to sleep.  I have a love/hate relationship with room sharing and strong feelings that one baby up in the night is more than enough.  I had also decided I would not wake Jason unless I was truly desperate.  That poor guy works so hard everyday for this family and I feel like he deserves all the sleep he can get.  I waited and my heart raced with every sound that came through that monitor.  Mia was in the middle of Jason and I as she ends up most nights.  On this particular night, she was attempting to share my pillow and it was not working out so well.  I decided I would never fall asleep until I got her pillow from her room.  Once I was able to move her heavy little head off my own pillow, I fell back to sleep for a few minutes at least.

I woke up 3 more times after this to Violet throwing up with 5:30 am being the last of it.  She got a bath, her sheets were changed, we read books in the dark, we sang songs, and she was put back to bed  four different times until she was finally able to stay asleep.  I went back to bed thinking that surely she got it all out that time.  The alarm was set to go off at 6:30 am so I could get up and shower before the kids woke up to be prepared for Tyson's special day.  I had one more hour available to sleep and I knew that was not enough but it sure felt good to lay down after taking such good care of my precious baby and not waking another soul.  Needless to say, I did not make it out of bed at 6:30 for my shower but Tyson did wake me up at 6:55 ready to party.  I finally got a shower a few hours later and Violet has not thrown up since this morning.  Whew.  And Jason never even knew it all happened until I told him the story. Score.

When the kids wake up for no apparent reason in the night, it makes me crazy.  But when they wake up for a good (or sad) reason, I turn into a rock star.  It's what Moms do.  We rise to the occasion.  I actually prefer to say I was "like a mountain climber or marathon runner" because as a general rule, I have more respect for them than I do rock stars.  Also, mountain climbers and marathon runners are more likely to be without make-up, tired, and dirty just like Moms so often are (or is that just me?).

So in an attempt to celebrate the times I "climb the mountain" or "run the marathon" with grace and a happy heart, I thought this occasion was worth noting.  I have had a countless number of nights like this through my 8+ years of parenting so far and I am sure there are many more to come.  It may seem silly to celebrate something that every mother has experienced but I can be so hard on myself and these small victories keep me moving.   It just feels good to make sacrifices for the ones you love, to care for them like no one else can, and to put their needs above your own.  I sure do love this whole Mommy gig.  It is not glamorous by any stretch of the imagination but it is my calling and I will continue to climb these mountains celebrating all along the way.

totally random for today

Life is full of highs and lows. We all know it. Trouble is guaranteed to come at some point or another. But goodness is guaranteed to come too. God is so unbelievably good and he wants to see us enjoy the life we've been given.

Today I am high on life. I feel like I am breathing in the purest of air at the top of a mountain so high and so beautiful that I never want to come down. My husband is amazing. We are not only in love but also like each other a whole lot. Because of that and the grace of God, our marriage gets better by the day. It doesn't even make sense to me. Our kids are awesome and really stinkin' cute. I am so incredibly blessed and definitely do not take it for granted. I thank God every single day for this life. I can't believe he chose me to live it.  My heart is full of gratitude to God for working on me constantly and giving me a grateful heart. I am well aware that not everyone has it this good but I sure wish they did.

Life is not perfect. We are flawed of course. Everyone has issues and just because our little family is full of crazy love for each other does not exempt us from this fact. Our kids have been yelled at, they've been spanked for doing nothing, they have been pushed aside for stuff that doesn't matter, and plenty of other things we aren't proud of and do our best to not repeat. We are a mess...but it is a beautiful one. One that I am so incredibly happy to be a part of.

Today I just want to record this high because the lows will come and for a moment, I will forget this feeling. I will feel like the world is crashing in on me and I may never get back up. But those lows are what make this high taste so stinkin' sweet.

Today Mia has been wearing a winter hat constantly which is appropriate given the freezing temps we are experiencing. She even slept in it. She does this almost every day. She even wore it to her little class during MOPS. When Tyson was messing with her and took it off, she freaked out. The girl loves hats.

Violet slept in until 7:30 without getting up in the middle of the night. This almost NEVER happens so that was quite a treat. When I went to pick her up from MOPS today, she lit up and yelled "Mommy" over and over again as she kicked her legs in excitement. She greets me this way often and it makes me so happy.

Today was kindergarten registration. Someone asked Tyson if he was excited about kindergarten and his response was "kind of". We got in the registration line and about 30 seconds later, I couldn't find him so I began calling his name figuring he was playing hide and seek as he so often does in public without letting me know. I finally spotted him way on the other side of the gym with a basketball. Not sure what gave him the idea that he could run over and start playing a game without mentioning it to me but that is my boy.

Today Avery wore red leggings to school along with a turquoise polka dotted t-shirt with a pink sweater over it, and yellow socks with cats on them.  I still cringe a bit when the outfits she chooses are that crazy but I love that she doesn't care and thinks her outfit choices are awesome. She woke up wanting to discuss her birthday plans again and asking exactly how many days until she turns 8. The answer is 31.

I am not sure what we are having for dinner tonight and the kitchen floor is close to being completely covered in crumbs. But the sun is shining bright outside and in my heart.

I am so very thankful for today.

12 things i have learned so far on this parenting journey.

We are only 7 1/2 years down this parenting road and I just thought it would be fun to reflect on some random things I/we have learned so far on this great adventure as parents to our four little blessings.

1. Our kids go through a countless number of phases, stages, seasons, whatever you choose to call it.  I can't even tell you how many times I have said to Jason in desperation, "I feel like I lost him/her. What happened? Why is he/she acting this way?"  As soon as I utter the words, they move on to something else.  A new phase, stage, or season begins and I find myself trying to "figure them out" all over again.  I have learned not to lose sleep over a certain behavior (unless it gets completely out of control) because they are just figuring out their way in this world and will move on eventually.

2. On toys:  We learned to force encourage them to give up a few toys before the holiday season each year to share our blessings with others and avoid feeling like our home is a well stocked toy store.  We learned quickly that their favorites are never the ones we think they should be but instead random toys that probably came from a yard sale or were handed down. Experiences are far better than toys for all of us so we began asking family to contribute to classes they are interested in taking or family vacation rather than a bunch of toys for birthdays and Christmas.

3. Pre-determined crafts do not work for my babies.  I learned this early on with Avery.  I would be  excited and prepare a specific craft for her and then she would do her own thing every single time.  So these days, we don't really do crafts, we simply have "art time" where paper, crayons, markers, scissors, glue, etc. take over our kitchen and they come up with the most beautiful creations.

4. A clean house is so overrated.  A clutter free house is not. Ain't nobody got time for serious cleaning with any number of kids, but especially 4+.  After I spend time and energy to clean the house, it looks just as it did before I began in an hour or less.  It's kind of like a zoo around here.  I am okay with that as long as I let go of expectations for a super clean house.  However, clutter makes me crazy. There are too  many people in this house to live peacefully among clutter so things are picked up but the dusting, sweeping, mopping, etc. do not occur on any kind of regular basis.  We certainly don't live in filth, but on most days, I choose to leave the dust.

5. I learned not to buy super nice clothes and shoes for school.  Recess and art class team up to completely destroy any nice clothes Avery wears to school.  We save the super cute ones for weekends.  I have also learned how to shop for our kids.  We buy just about everything to mix & match.  We keep it simple and in coordinating colors so that when they pick out their own clothes it is a little easier on the eye.

6. No more perfect Christmas trees.  This one took me awhile.  I love to decorate.  Christmas trees are so much fun and I like the garland, lights, and ornaments perfectly spaced out.  I had to let it all go.  The last two years, they have decorated the tree themselves.  I still rearrange a few ornaments after they go to bed because I am a little crazy but for the most part, I leave their creation alone.  It doesn't matter. Nobody cares about a perfect Christmas tree.  Perfection is boring, right?

7. Celebrate parenting successes no matter how small at the end of each day.  I am incredibly hard on myself in every way possible.  I will fret for days over a specific interaction I have with one of our children.  It's silly.  I know I can't be perfect but I just want so darn bad to be.  I have recently learned to focus more on the positives of my/our parenting.  When you are looking for the positive and choosing to focus on it, suddenly the negative slice on the pie chart gets drastically smaller.  Perspective is a beautiful thing.

photo courtesy of jason

8. Always get "real" clothes on before dropping off kids at school. You never know when the first snow might fall which could cause an accident that makes you late in which case the doors are closed and you have to walk your child to the office in old and much too big pajamas that make you look like you slept on the street the previous night.  Yes, I learned this one the hard way.  Just yesterday morning as a matter of fact.  I will spare you a photo this time.

9. My mood drastically effects everyone in the family. I have learned to not begin the day with an agenda (my own agenda).  If I have in my mind a list of things I want to get done, I find myself doing whatever it takes to check off those items.  I am a woman on a mission and pity the poor little souls that get in my way.  So instead of thinking I will mop the kitchen floor, vacuum the entire house, clean all bathrooms, and change everyone's sheets, I might just simply dust the living room. My goals for each day are much more realistic now and anything else that gets done is a bonus. Having realistic goals and achieving them gives me that much needed sense of accomplishment and nobody gets hurt along the way!  I really do set the tone in our household.  It's a scary fact.  Thank God that His grace is sufficient even for me.

10. I learned the hard way not to force them into potty training.  We started Avery at 18 months by recommendation from our pediatrician (another lesson learned: while I love and respect our doctor, he does not always know best).  We potty trained her for the next 18 months and it caused unnecessary stress for all of us and left me with feelings of regret and guilt that still haunt me even after six years.  We now let our kids potty train themselves and Tyson & Mia were 3+ years old but that is fine and it only took about a week.  I am so very sorry our poor guinea pig firstborn Avery.

11. My favorite times in the whole world are when the six of us are playing together in the living room without agenda or when a random dance party breaks out.  During those times, it almost seems as if time stands still, peace washes over me, and my heart is full.

12.  There are days when bedtime cannot come soon enough.  Days when I want to yell at them just for looking at me.  Days when I get tired of hearing the name "Mommy".  But I have learned that the good days outweigh the bad ones.  The bad days make the good days that much sweeter.  And as soon as I think I can't take it anymore, I will have a day when I can't get enough of our kids.  Days when I stare at them in awe and can't believe they are mine.  Days when Jason and I can't stop talking about how awesome they are and how blessed we feel to be their parents.

And we are only rookies.  There is so much more to learn.  I can't wait to see what adventures await our family over the next 7 years...

weekend highlights

Summertime is my favorite.  It's like one big party it seems sometimes.  We are in a more relaxed state of mind and just live it up.  As the kids get a little older, we are able to have more adventures, let them stay up a little later, and soak up every bit of summer lovin' that we can!

We started off the weekend by surprising Jason at work on Friday.  We don't go often because it's not very close but it was on our to do list for summertime!  We whipped up some homemade chocolate chip cookies (his favorite) and headed there only about 2 hours after I had planned.  Oh, well.  He was completely surprised and it worked out even better because it was lunchtime and our time with him was extended at McDonald's!  We had been missing him even more than usual since it was the week after vacation so everyone was just happy to be together.

{as seen on instagram}

Our Saturday morning was spent in the backyard with the kids playing and Jason mowing.  I got to clean the house in peace for a bit while they were all outside and Violet was napping.  It began to rain so we headed to the indoor pool at the YMCA.  Swimming never disappoints and can keep the kids entertained for hours.

For dinner on Saturday, we got to celebrate Grandma Judd's 60th birthday.  We met Aunt Julie, Uncle Matt, cousins, Grandma & PaPa at a favorite restaurant and then came back to our home afterwards for cake and presents!  We always love for us all to be together.  Good times.

{she's got a lot to show for her 60 years}

After church on Sunday, we did our traditional way of grocery shopping these days where we stop by Costco &/or Aldi on the way home and Jason runs in to exercise his super speedy shopping skills.  We ate a simple lunch and the boys took off for a bike ride while the girls painted toenails under a tree in the backyard.

We headed to a state park about 20 minutes down the road in the late afternoon with a cooler full of pb sandwiches & a few other fixin's for a picnic dinner.  We had never been there so we just explored the visitor center, checked out the lake, walked a small trail, played on a playground, and then ate our dinner at a picnic table surrounded by huge trees.  Our dinner ended with the feel of tiny raindrops and the sound of distant thunder so we packed up and headed home.

{taken by jason}

The rain had ended by the time we arrived home, and although still cloudy, it seemed to be the perfect night to catch lightning bugs.  It was a first for the kids and we were all excited about it.  Jason drilled holes on a canning jar lid and we were all set.  They took awhile to come out but by the end, they were in full force and the kids were squealing as they would spot one.  Their excitement was contagious and the experience was better than I had dreamed.  The new neighbor girls joined in on the fun and helped us fill our jar until it had reached capacity and it was time to say goodnight.  The girls used them as a nightlight until they fell asleep and then Jason set them free.

Sounds kind of perfect, huh?  It really was.  Sometimes our days are like that, almost "magical" and other days Jason and I contemplate jumping in the car and driving as far away as possible without looking back.  We still had the usual...poop in swimsuits, spitting up, crying, fighting, etc. but the good far outweighed the bad and these are the memories I am choosing to take with me from our weekend.

I love my life.  Can't wait to see what next weekend has in store for us...

glimpses

I pinned this on Pinterest about one year ago and I think about it often.  I am far from perfect and have trouble giving myself grace as I have mentioned before.  I am so hard on myself which does not do anyone in this family good.  

But one thing I have never failed to do is teach my babies about Jesus.  I may not always be the best model for them but I always remind them who is the best model for all of us.

So in my efforts to stay positive and focus on the good things I do as a Mama...I thought I would write about the glimpses I saw just last week from our oldest baby that remind me Jason and I are not alone in our efforts.  There is someone so much bigger than us that wants us to succeed and has our very best interests at heart.

The glimpses...

Avery came home from school last week with a lanyard and little penguin hanging around her neck.  It was from the magazine fundraiser at school.  Her friend across the street had not received one yet and was a little bummed out.  As soon as Avery walked in the door, she asked for scissors, paper, & crayons to make her friend a "wrist penguin".

She made her friend a little paper bracelet with a penguin that looked just like hers.

I can't tell you how happy this made my Momma heart.  She just wanted to make her friend happy even before she had a snack.  We are constantly talking about being a blessing to others with Avery and she put it into practice.  Her friend smiled and yelled out a big "thank you" when Avery handed it to her.

She has done this kind of thing before but for some reason, this one struck me as extra sweet.  

For homework last week, Avery was to write a sentence for five sight words.  She did these all on her own and #4 & #5 made me so excited.  I love the way God is such a part of her life that she doesn't even think twice to make Him a part of her homework.

The third glimpse I received last week was not something that could be photographed but I did write it down immediately because it was a good lesson for me.  It was a beautiful morning and warmer than usual as we dropped Avery off at school.  We were actually early for a change so she asked us to walk her in rather than drop her off.  I said yes of course but then mentioned the silly fact that I wasn't even wearing make-up.  Avery's response to my comment was exactly what I needed to hear.  She said without hesitation, "That's okay. It's not make-up that makes you beautiful.  Loving God makes you beautiful."

We believe wholeheartedly around here that what you let in your heart, mind, & soul is what will come out.  These glimpses were sweet reminders from our Heavenly Father that we are (slowly, but surely) headed in the right direction.