12 things i have learned so far on this parenting journey.

We are only 7 1/2 years down this parenting road and I just thought it would be fun to reflect on some random things I/we have learned so far on this great adventure as parents to our four little blessings.

1. Our kids go through a countless number of phases, stages, seasons, whatever you choose to call it.  I can't even tell you how many times I have said to Jason in desperation, "I feel like I lost him/her. What happened? Why is he/she acting this way?"  As soon as I utter the words, they move on to something else.  A new phase, stage, or season begins and I find myself trying to "figure them out" all over again.  I have learned not to lose sleep over a certain behavior (unless it gets completely out of control) because they are just figuring out their way in this world and will move on eventually.

2. On toys:  We learned to force encourage them to give up a few toys before the holiday season each year to share our blessings with others and avoid feeling like our home is a well stocked toy store.  We learned quickly that their favorites are never the ones we think they should be but instead random toys that probably came from a yard sale or were handed down. Experiences are far better than toys for all of us so we began asking family to contribute to classes they are interested in taking or family vacation rather than a bunch of toys for birthdays and Christmas.

3. Pre-determined crafts do not work for my babies.  I learned this early on with Avery.  I would be  excited and prepare a specific craft for her and then she would do her own thing every single time.  So these days, we don't really do crafts, we simply have "art time" where paper, crayons, markers, scissors, glue, etc. take over our kitchen and they come up with the most beautiful creations.

4. A clean house is so overrated.  A clutter free house is not. Ain't nobody got time for serious cleaning with any number of kids, but especially 4+.  After I spend time and energy to clean the house, it looks just as it did before I began in an hour or less.  It's kind of like a zoo around here.  I am okay with that as long as I let go of expectations for a super clean house.  However, clutter makes me crazy. There are too  many people in this house to live peacefully among clutter so things are picked up but the dusting, sweeping, mopping, etc. do not occur on any kind of regular basis.  We certainly don't live in filth, but on most days, I choose to leave the dust.

5. I learned not to buy super nice clothes and shoes for school.  Recess and art class team up to completely destroy any nice clothes Avery wears to school.  We save the super cute ones for weekends.  I have also learned how to shop for our kids.  We buy just about everything to mix & match.  We keep it simple and in coordinating colors so that when they pick out their own clothes it is a little easier on the eye.

6. No more perfect Christmas trees.  This one took me awhile.  I love to decorate.  Christmas trees are so much fun and I like the garland, lights, and ornaments perfectly spaced out.  I had to let it all go.  The last two years, they have decorated the tree themselves.  I still rearrange a few ornaments after they go to bed because I am a little crazy but for the most part, I leave their creation alone.  It doesn't matter. Nobody cares about a perfect Christmas tree.  Perfection is boring, right?

7. Celebrate parenting successes no matter how small at the end of each day.  I am incredibly hard on myself in every way possible.  I will fret for days over a specific interaction I have with one of our children.  It's silly.  I know I can't be perfect but I just want so darn bad to be.  I have recently learned to focus more on the positives of my/our parenting.  When you are looking for the positive and choosing to focus on it, suddenly the negative slice on the pie chart gets drastically smaller.  Perspective is a beautiful thing.

photo courtesy of jason

8. Always get "real" clothes on before dropping off kids at school. You never know when the first snow might fall which could cause an accident that makes you late in which case the doors are closed and you have to walk your child to the office in old and much too big pajamas that make you look like you slept on the street the previous night.  Yes, I learned this one the hard way.  Just yesterday morning as a matter of fact.  I will spare you a photo this time.

9. My mood drastically effects everyone in the family. I have learned to not begin the day with an agenda (my own agenda).  If I have in my mind a list of things I want to get done, I find myself doing whatever it takes to check off those items.  I am a woman on a mission and pity the poor little souls that get in my way.  So instead of thinking I will mop the kitchen floor, vacuum the entire house, clean all bathrooms, and change everyone's sheets, I might just simply dust the living room. My goals for each day are much more realistic now and anything else that gets done is a bonus. Having realistic goals and achieving them gives me that much needed sense of accomplishment and nobody gets hurt along the way!  I really do set the tone in our household.  It's a scary fact.  Thank God that His grace is sufficient even for me.

10. I learned the hard way not to force them into potty training.  We started Avery at 18 months by recommendation from our pediatrician (another lesson learned: while I love and respect our doctor, he does not always know best).  We potty trained her for the next 18 months and it caused unnecessary stress for all of us and left me with feelings of regret and guilt that still haunt me even after six years.  We now let our kids potty train themselves and Tyson & Mia were 3+ years old but that is fine and it only took about a week.  I am so very sorry our poor guinea pig firstborn Avery.

11. My favorite times in the whole world are when the six of us are playing together in the living room without agenda or when a random dance party breaks out.  During those times, it almost seems as if time stands still, peace washes over me, and my heart is full.

12.  There are days when bedtime cannot come soon enough.  Days when I want to yell at them just for looking at me.  Days when I get tired of hearing the name "Mommy".  But I have learned that the good days outweigh the bad ones.  The bad days make the good days that much sweeter.  And as soon as I think I can't take it anymore, I will have a day when I can't get enough of our kids.  Days when I stare at them in awe and can't believe they are mine.  Days when Jason and I can't stop talking about how awesome they are and how blessed we feel to be their parents.

And we are only rookies.  There is so much more to learn.  I can't wait to see what adventures await our family over the next 7 years...