dear avery

 Dear Avery, 

You're 16 years old now and it feels like time is slipping away faster than I can take it in. I have been desperately trying to hold on to the moments since the day you were born. I would do it all over and over again in a heartbeat. What a joy you are and have been from the beginning. You have challenged us in ways that have only made us better and brought us to our knees before our Heavenly Father begging Him to fill in the gaps that we left open in our parenting. We never wanted to mess up but we have a countless number of times during these 16 years and despite our best efforts, we will continue to. But the Lord has been faithful and He will always be. He's got you.

You're busier than ever this year as you learn to drive and continue to fight for those straight A's in school. Spanish 3 about did you in and brought about your first B on a high school report card. We have never cared about grades and we make sure you know that. But you care. It's important to you and we do our best to support that while reminding you along the way that those grades are not your identity. We speak of colleges every once in awhile as we can feel the time coming near although none of us are ready for it. One night with tear filled eyes, you told me college sounds exciting but you're also scared because you don't want to be without Daddy and I. We get it. we feel the same. But we have been preparing to let you fly since day one and when the time comes, God will give us all the strength we need to thrive apart from each other. 

Teaching you to drive has not been easy on any of us. Ha! You started off scared and we struggled with patience. Daddy taught you the basics first and then I got to join the fun. Whew. It took you awhile to catch on and we were terrified and impatient as we experienced several near disasters on the road. Thankfully, we got over that hump and you are now doing a great job. You only have one in-car driving lesson left and then your test at the end of May. I can't imagine what it feels like to send you off in a car by yourself but ready or not, the time is coming. It's a new first for us and a big step in letting you fly. 

We celebrated your sweet sixteen in big ways with a family party the weekend before and a friend party the weekend after. You wanted both sides of the family together because that's your favorite. You had about 14 friends over to celebrate and it was sweet to see all the different kinds of friends you have. You're friends with everyone because you make a point to be. It's so neat. You told us that your favorite parts of the parties were the interactions of the two sides of our families and of the different friend groups. You love your family and friends fiercely and it brings you so much joy to be with them and watch them enjoy each other. And all of those friends are God's beautiful answer to years of prayers. We're so grateful.

We have been working out at the Y while the girls are in gymnastics class. At first, you mostly enjoyed wearing cute workout clothing and AirPods but quickly grew to truly enjoy the actual working out even more. You also like checking out the cute boys working out as well. 

You're still writing of course although not quite as often with school work and friends keeping you busy. You're currently working on a novel called Painting the Sky and I love listening to you talk about your ideas for it. You put so much thought and time into your writing and I cannot wait until the day one of your wonderful stories gets published and shared with the world. I pray you use your gift for God's glory always and that he'll bless your efforts like crazy. 

We're proud of you as always. You're a gift to everyone who knows you and to get to be the ones who have a front row seat to God's story for your life is a blessing we do not take for granted.

We are beyond grateful He chose you to be ours. 

We love you a ridiculous amount. Happy sweet sixteen precious girl.

Love,

Mommy 

xoxo

dear avery

 Dear Avery,

I will never believe you are as old as you are because it's all moving at warp speed right before my eyes and my heart and mind can't keep up.  

You have been a joy from day one. You have made this parenting journey pretty easy on us. You have had leader qualities from the beginning that seem to have been hiding away for a bit as you fiught through the beautiful messiness of teenage life. But we are watching you re-bloom with those leadership gifts God gave you. You know what you want and nobody has ever been able to tell you any different. You have always had your own ideas and ways that make you uniquely you. 

You're still writing. Always. You constantly have fresh ideas in your head for new stories or ways to make old stories new. Your imagination is wonderful and never stops. This might be why you don't seem to require as much sleep. Your mind has too much work to do. Your eyes continue to light up when you share those ideas floating around in that brilliant mind of yours. You love reading your stories aloud to us and we love listening to them. You are our favorite author.

In the past year, you have been excited about decorating and re-decorating your room. You want everything to be perfectly coordinating and the word "aesthetic" flows from your mouth constantly. You are no doubt your Momma's girl in that way. Your Christmas and Birthday list were full of decor items and you have had so much fun making over your room. Your bedroom has transformed into a beautiful grown-up space for all those ideas to be typed up and all those FaceTime calls with Reagan to be made.

This past year has taught us all so much and we have watched you struggle through hard lessons while at the same time taking them all in and being changed by them. You have learned the hard way how to deal with disappointment in missed plans and opportunities. You're working on setting realistic expectations or none at all and dealing with ones unmet. All part of the journey. 

One of the neatest things about you is that you actually listen to us. You listen to our advice and actually put it into practice. We have earned your respect over the past 15 years and for that we are so very grateful. You know the deep love we have for you and that we are constantly praying and working to be the best we can be by the grace of God. 

Your faith has grown and is becoming your own. You have a small group at church to be a part of now full of girls who support and encourage each other and it has been so good for you. You and Reagan have a special kind of friendship that can only truly happen with that shared faith. You have so many groups of friends and they're all so different and they're all answers to prayer. 

You have tackled this crazy first year of high school in the midst of a worldwide pandemic with so much grace and confidence. You still enjoy school and continue to get those straight A's. 

You got to spend your special day at Magic Kingdom this year. You had a special birthday shirt and ears to wear to the park and we opened gifts at the condo late that night. It was a memorable one for sure. 

Happy 15th Birthday our precious firstborn baby girl. You are loved and treasured beyond belief by us and even more by your Heavenly Father. We can't wait to see what He does with you over the next year and we're grateful every minute for the privilege of watching you grow.

We love you to the moon and back a million billion times infinity.

Mommy

dear tyson

Dear Tyson Carter,

Oh, my boy, you have suddenly turned 12 years old and I can hardly believe that to be true. You are as sweet as you've always been and still crazy about your Mama. Your Daddy has taught you well how to make a woman feel loved and special and you are so good at it. 

One minute, you have me wanting to pull my hair out with your constant challenging of our authority and the next minute, I can't stop staring at your face and squeezing you because you're the most lovable little man. You have a serious need for justice which is awesome because it's the way you were designed by God but it can also pose some problems when a bad call is made in a driveway basketball game with neighbors. You are slowly learning what is worth getting upset over and what is simply not. It's a process and we'll always be here to support and encourage along the way to becoming the man God created you to be. 

Your favorite friends at school are probably Evan Bartlett and Vanessa but you have a ton of friends all over the place between school, church, and the neighborhood. You are a friendly little man who continues to ask grown-ups how they're doing and tells people to have a good day. You're pretty fearless still and love roaming in the woods behind our neighborhood. You are tough when you get hurt, especially when I'm not around. Occasionally, you turn it on when I am around because you know I will give you all the sympathy you need. 

You got through basketball season before Covid shut everything down. You're a natural encourager during games always patting teammates on the back, giving fives, and offering a compliment or two. It's my favorite part of watching you play.  Unfortunately, baseball was cancelled due to the pandemic and that was a big bummer because Daddy was supposed to coach again and the team was a great group of boys but there will be other chances in the future. 

We did find out this year that you have Dysgraphia. I have known it since 3rd grade when I looked up signs that were showing up at school, that your teachers had communicated to us. Your 3rd and 4th grade teachers were amazing and made necessary accommodations to help you succeed and they worked. You have thrived and done so well in school despite your challenges with writing. We finally decided to get you officially tested and they confirmed what we already knew to be true. Dysgraphia makes it hard for you to put down on paper what you have in your head so you know have a 504 plan at school that allows you to type assignments when needed along with some other minor accommodations that seem to make all the difference. You have handled it all in stride and we're so proud of the way you have overcome these challenges. The Lord gave you a brilliant mind and we love watching you bloom and figure stuff out. 

It is a blessing and privilege to have a front row seat watching your story unfold. You're a treasure Tyson Carter and I am so happy I get to be your Mama.

Happy 12th Birthday my favorite son. 

Love you to the moon and back a billion times infinity.

Mommy

xoxo

dear avery

 Dear Avery, 

You are 14 now and I can't help but think of all that we've been through together. It's been an amazing journey so far and you're growing into one of the neatest humans I know. Your birthday this year fell at the beginning of a worldwide pandemic which changed things up but we still celebrated big with donuts for breakfast, your usual request of meatloaf and potatoes for dinner, ice cream sundaes for dessert, a chick fil a run where we had to eat in the car, and a sleepover with Lilly. 

Daddy and I decided to get you a phone (with a purple phone case of course) for your birthday which we were never going to feel ready for but we knew you were. You were not expecting to get one so you were shocked which made for a fun reaction. And now together we're learning boundaries and appropriate rules around the phone. It's always a learning experience with you our firstborn. 

You, my precious daughter who made me a Mama, are learning and growing in so many ways. Physically, I think you may be about done since you are 5'6" and wear a size 8 shoe but in every other way, you continue to grow at rapid speed. You're mostly an introvert, but maybe an extroverted introvert because you love your alone time but yet crave time with special friends. You love how this pandemic and quarantine has brought the neighbor kids closer together and you do love when your classes at school and your friend groups feel like family. 

You continue to write a countless number of stories with so many ideas floating around in that imagination of yours that you have rarely finish an entire story. I think that is beginning to change however because quarantine has provided more time for writing. Your stories and poems are beautiful and written with such creativity and insight. I am fascinated by your ideas and passion. Your favorite gift to receive is definitely a book and you work hard to get all A's for the hope of a new book when report cards come out. 

You adore little kids and have been serving in Kid's Club for a while now. You love them and they love you and it's been neat to see you step into a role bigger than yourself. You still get excited about new experiences but always love the comforts of home. You have been looking forward to your 8th grade Washington D.C. trip that may not happen due to the pandemic. It feels crazy for you to be old enough to get sent on a trip with friends and teachers and not us but you're thrilled at the thought. 

Our conversations keep getting richer and richer as you grow and mature. You have realized your need for a Savior and are beginning to own your faith which is an answer to so many prayers. You are figuring out what true friends look like through some neighbor kid drama and have shown such wisdom and maturity in the way that you handle the tough stuff. You are learning how to recover after a mistake, how to own up it and that can cause some growing pains but the fruit that comes from it is beautiful and we're so proud watching you figure these things out. You are discovering the beauty of putting others first and although it can be painful at times, you are practicing this on your siblings. You're growing and changing and we can barely keep up. I'm still holding on tight knowing our years left with you at home are dwindling but trying to release some grip to give you a chance to soar. And I know you will. You'll just have to bear with me as I am not so good with the letting go.

We are incredibly proud of you and cannot wait to see what God does in your life. We love you to the moon and back infinity times. Happy Birthday Avery Nicole.

Love,

Mommy

XOXO

the great pause

I've heard this unique historical event called "The Great Pause" and I can't think of a better way to explain it.  The whole world feels as if it's on pause and it's beautiful, weird, crazy, and surreal all at the same time. Living in the midst of a global pandemic is not something you ever think about actually happening.  It seems to have happened over night.  One day kids were in school and life was going on as it normally would and then you begin to hear the words "Coronavirus" and "COVID-19" and very soon after, schools are shut down with restaurants and stores following one or two weeks later.  We are on pause.

We can no longer go to the grocery store and grab a cart without thinking about who else has touched that very cart and what germs might be covering it.  There are workers wearing masks that wipe it down before they hand it off to you trying to protect their employees and shoppers as best as they can. As we walk around the store, so many people avoid eye contact and it's eerily quiet as people are no longer engaging in conversation as they shop. We can no longer go to a restaurant and sit in their dining room, we must order curbside or line up in the drive thru. We can only online shop for most things which takes much longer than usual due to all the restrictions and precautions to keep workers safe. We aren't supposed to be gathering in groups of over 10 people. Many people are working from home and the kids are learning and completing assignments all remotely. Meetings and birthday parties are happening through technology with sites such as Zoom taking over as the best way to connect these days.

While everything is do different and we are adjusting to a new normal, there is so much goodness in all the crazy.

We are spending more time making meals together at home rather than eating out, we are baking more, we are writing more letters to loved ones, we are meeting new neighbors, we are taking more walks, we are spending so much time outside, we are having wonderfully deep conversations, we are learning how to use Zoom and other technology tools, we are finding creative ways to bless others, we are learning new art techniques and doing more art projects than ever, and if it's even possible, we're reading more books than ever. We are growing as individuals and as a family and I am so stinking grateful.

The gift of this time is not lost on me, that is for sure. I pray each night with the little girls that when this is all over that we would never completely return to "normal" as a society, that hearts would be changed before it's all over, that hearts would be softened, that people would realize the most important things in life, and that we would never be the same after this experience. I know the Lord has lessons for us in all of this mess and I don't want to miss them. I don't want my family to miss them. I keep praying that our eyes are opened to the goodness in the world, the goodness in others, the goodness right before our eyes every single day.

I am incredibly thankful to have this extra bonus time with the kids.  I love having them all home with me full time.  It's an incredibly rare gift that I will treasure forever and know that I will desperately miss when it's all over. This time has not been without its challenges of course. The first week was bliss as it just felt like a vacation that we were all desperately in need of. And then as time went on, reality began to set in. It seemed to especially hit hard with Avery, being the oldest and missing out on the most...her DC trip would no longer be happening, she wouldn't see her lunch table gang for an unknown amount of time, our planned night at a hotel for her birthday couldn't happen, no family for her birthday celebration, etc. We got into a groove pretty quickly however and I was in my element making a schedule and planning their "learning time". That was awesome for 3 weeks before mandatory assignments began coming in from school when the governor decided that the stay at home order would be in affect until May 1st. Our schools and teachers had to quickly figure out how to teach them new curriculum remotely and we had to figure out a new schedule at home and how to navigate the large number of websites we had to access to complete the assignments. We had a tough transition and then found our way and began to get the hang of it. We're doing what we can making the most of our days, some much more challenging than others but we're doing it together. And that's what makes it all worth it. We still get to be together, my five favorite people in all the world.

dear tyson

Dear Tyson,

You turned 11 and are still the sweetest boy I know. You are such a gift to me, to our whole family. 

You're the kind of kid that still calls me Mommy. You're the kind that tells it like it is. The honestly can be brutal but it's refreshing. You can't handle fake. You know what you want and aren't afraid to voice it. You are ALL boy and completely fearless. 

You care so deeply for others. You cry when I cry. You're obsessed with your Daddy and claim him to be your favorite but are still such a Mama's boy. Just as it should be. You still like to cuddle and I hope you always do. You tell me I am beautiful constantly and I love it.

You ask people how they're doing or how their day is going and seem to actually want to know the answer.  You prefer adult conversations and are constantly curious. You're a deep thinker and love to ask questions that we can't answer. 

You don't care if your clothes match which makes me crazy but also I love it because it's you. You love basketball and baseball. You are gifted in math and reading but hate to write and can't spell, just like your Daddy. 

You're always on the move but will then sit and read a good book for an hour or longer. You remember everything you have read and everything we've said. 

You love Jesus and your family so much. Everyone that meets you thinks you're awesome. You make an impact already and I can't wait to see how God uses you in this next year and the ones following.

We celebrated at Adrenaline trampoline park this year. You also got to have a sleepover with five friends from church. You had a blast but were so extremely tired afterward that we may never let you have another one again. You requested peanut butter fudge made by Mama for your special dessert. I love celebrating you my sweet boy.

I'm so incredibly grateful to be your Mommy. God knew I needed you. 

Happy 11th Birthday our favorite son.

Mommy

XOXO

christmas time

Since Thanksgiving was early this year, it felt as if we were given an extra week of Christmas which felt like such a gift.  The kids went to Columbus a day early to help Grandma prepare and so Tyson could play with Shane and that provided a day for me to prepare their rooms for Christmas.  They knew we were decorating when we came home that weekend after Thanksgiving but they didn't know that I had bought special Christmas sheets for their beds.  So I decorated their rooms and changed their sheets and pillowcases for the new festive ones and added as much Christmas as I could with the exception of actually decorating their mini trees because I know how much they love that part.  I couldn't wait for them to see their rooms when we arrived home and I will never forget their reaction.  They were all completely surprised, so many squeals, laughter, and thank yous.  It was precious.

We got right to work decorating the rest of the house that night and it was so much fun that as usual, I didn't want it to end. Our favorite part is always reminiscing as we look through ornaments and deciding where they should go on the tree.  The kids have their smaller tree up in the kid zone and they only hung ornaments made by Aunt Debbie and Aunt Beth on it this year while we hung all the others on the bigger downstairs tree. At least we thought we hung all the others but I knew some were missing and they turned up in a box in the basement about a week before Christmas.  Those will be the first we hang next year.

Jason took extra time off this year and we made the most of every minute.  It actually felt slow for those two weeks he was off.  It felt slow and beautiful.  We had plenty of downtime making room for cuddles and conversation along with plenty of adventures mixed in.  He cooked us some of the most amazing meals ever and we even got to go ice skating. We watched our typical Christmas specials including Elf and Christmas with the Kranks. We cut out and decorated sugar cookies, put together a gingerbread house that kept wanting to fall apart, made puppy chow and buckeyes that the kids delivered to neighbors, went out to eat, did our annual minivan express night, attended a Christmas Eve service at our church, and the kids were even able to go caroling again with neighbor friends just a few days before Christmas.  We had our candlelight Christmas Eve dinner of (frozen) popcorn shrimp and our cinnamon rolls Christmas morning complete with a candle lit on one so we could sing "Happy Birthday" and blow out the candle for Jesus.

A new tradition of the kids having a sleepover in the little girl's room on Christmas Eve began when we moved into this house 2 1/2 years ago.  This is such a big deal to them and they get really excited about it but this year, they turned out to be a little too excited.  Could have been the hot cocoa with tons of toppings they had at church that morning, the loads of sweets they ate that day, or the bottle of orange crush I thought it would be fun to let them have at dinner.  All of the above plus an extreme level of excitement are most likely all to blame for the fact that I heard footsteps at 4:00 am and went upstairs to see that the light was on in the bedroom.  I went in to find them all hanging out, eyes wide open, happy as can be.  They had been up since 2:00 am just partying it up together.  So, much to their dismay, I made them all go to their own beds so they could at least get a couple hours of sleep.  They were devastated but all fell asleep within a few minutes.  I was freaking out a bit thinking that Christmas day would be ruined because they'd be too tired to handle it.  I finally fell back to sleep after worrying about every possible scenario but assuming they would sleep in after all that partying nonsense.  6:45 am was my next wake up call.  So they got a few hours of sleep on Christmas Eve and thankfully, Christmas day was far from ruined.  We had a wonderfully sweet day.  They were losing their minds by dinner so they did have an earlier than normal bedtime but they were all ready and fell asleep immediately.  Crazy kids.

Jason and I played Christmas Vacation in our bedroom as we wrapped the kid's gifts, which has become a little tradition for us.  We went crazy this year and wrapped a few days before Christmas Eve which shocked us both.  We have so much fun laying them all out and deciding what order they should be unwrapped.  We put numbers on them so the kids know the order and each kid had their own wrapping paper as well.

The kids get really into giving gifts to each other and us.  They spend their own money at their school holiday shop or we take them to the dollar store and Target.  They wrap them all themselves and get so excited to give that they can hardly stand the wait.  It's my favorite part watching them light up as they give their sibling that well thought out personal gift.  And this year Violet got a set of 3 BFF necklaces for Avery and Mia which was so stinking cute.  Also, this year Avery made every member of both sides of our family a perler bead ornament.  They were the cutest things, so well done and thoughtful.  They were a huge hit.

The favorite gifts ended up being Avery's stingray stuffed animal, Tyson's mini indoor basketball hoop, and the little girl's microphones.  They played with those microphones ALL DAY LONG which meant loads of entertainment for the rest of us. A few weeks later and Tyson still can't get enough of his basketball hoop which Jason set up for him in the basement complete with 3 point and free throw lines.

We traveled to Scottsburg the day after and to Columbus the next weekend and stayed one night at each soaking up the extended family time.  The kids enjoy their cousins on both sides and we have a great time just being together.

My heart is bursting with gratitude for another precious Christmas time with my people. So much goodness.  I always have a hard time letting it go but I have to remind myself that there is so much goodness in our everyday if we have our eyes open to notice.